Thankfulness...

I have been in great danger of sitting down and indulging in a long pity party for a while this morning. There's really not even a "good" reason for me to throw a pity party for myself, except that I am missing Brett and just feel tired and emotional today.


I have been staving off the self-pity by periodic quick prayers, but am sitting down now to kill it (at least, that's my goal). I am listening to some praise hymns.


I am being reminded that even if many "big things" in my world were wrong right now (which is not even the case), God is still on His throne and He is still working out His will in my life.


Really? My life?


 I am not doing anything great. I know, I know that motherhood is a great calling...it just does not feel like it is most of the time, no matter how many times I hear that it is. It is just so mundane...


 I am so abundantly blessed and I still find something to complain about, something to annoy me, something to grumble in my heart about. When I stop and look at myself, I am horrified at my faithlessness, my ungratefulness, my selfishness.


Then I remember one of my professor's saying that if we are "shocked" by our sin, that just shows how prideful, what a high opinion we have of ourselves. =)


Then I remember that same professor saying, over and over again, that "for ever time you look at your sin, look at Christ ten times." It is hard to not get bogged down in discouragement over my sin and never get to the whole point of seeing my sin, which is to see Christ as more beautiful than I have before.


So what that my husband is away for the week? He has a job. He works hard for us. He is coming home (Lord willing). We can talk on the phone every day. I have so SO much to be thankful for, so I am going to list some of them right now.


Lord, please forgive me of my self-pity and fill me with gratefulness. Help me to get out of my tiny little cramped world that centers around my happiness and fill me with love for You, for others. Show me how big reality is....life from Your perspective!!


Just this morning, I am thankful for...


the clear, crisp, cold blue sky.


our faithful sweet dog who defend the house.


Nate being done with the chickenpox and feeling much better!


strong coffee =P


Christmas lights brightening the night.


Nate's sweet cooing noises coming from the living room.


dishes to wash after I have eaten yummy food.


Christmas music!!


Nate dancing to Christmas music (I have to post a video....he is hilarious!)


feeling Evelyn kick me (even when it's in the bladder=).


a big, warm, cozy house.


a grocery store right down the road, that I am going to go visit right now!

Missing Brett

Actually, I am surprised at how well I am doing without Brett this week. He flew to San Francisco on Sunday afternoon for training with his new job and will not be back until Saturday night. =( We have been separated for longer than this before, but only when I was away in Maryland. I have never been home alone for this long.

The first two nights I did not sleep well. I think I had one eye open all night. Also, I have been staying up much later than usual. It's no fun to go to bed by oneself!! I am afraid that if I lay in bed awake I will hear strange creaking noises in the house and my imagination will get the better of me... So I wait until I am very tired!

 God has been very gracious to me and I have felt quite safe. Last night I actually went into a deep sleep and did not wake up every hour throughout the night. Thankfully, Nate is over the chickenpox except for some of the scabs falling off, so he is back to sleeping through the night too.

A bright side to Brett being gone is that I think I get more done. =) It is amazing how much more time I have when I do not have to make dinner! Nate and I have been eating leftovers (and several meals with the Hawkins). I have been trying to make good use of the time and get some Christmas decorations up and keep working on the Christmas gifts that I am making this year.

Even though this has not been as difficult as I feared, I am still eagerly counting down the days until Brett is back. We are more than halfway through the week now!! Hopefully the rest of the week will fly by.

Dear Nate

You are one year old today! You have brought so much joy into my and your dad's life and we are thankful for every day that God had given us with you.

Sometimes when you are napping I want to wake you up because I miss you. Then I sneak into your room and watch you sleep and listen to you breathe. Later, when I hear you playing in your crib, I open the door and say excitedly, "Someone's awake!!". You get a huge smile on your face when you see me, stand up on the side of the crib, and bounce up and down until I come and lift you out. That is one of my favorite moments of all time, every time it happens.

I love your laugh and your smile, the way you snuggle against me when I sing to you at night. I love how your face lights up when you see me or dad (or a tractor, truck, or anything with a steering wheel). I love it when you turn to us for comfort, knowing, trusting that we love you.

I love how patient you are. When you get upset about something enough to cry, I know that it is serious because you do not cry very often. You are also gentle, which you must get from your dad because I was never known for being gentle. I let you play with my earrings because you have never pulled them hard, you just touch them and laugh at them when they move.

We are so excited to watch you grow and change over this next year. I know that you will be an amazing big brother to Evelyn.

We have loved getting to know you this year and can't wait to see all that we discover about you in the coming year. Your dad and mom love you, Nathaniel Lawrence Hawkins.

Love,

Mom and Dad

Thanksgiving with the Hawkins

Due to a sudden outbreak of the chickenpox in the younger members of the Hawkins family, we did not drive up to Carnesville, GA to celebrate with Mr. Hawkins' extended family as usual. Instead we stayed here in Conyers and had a delightful relaxing day. Mrs. Hawkins' mom and stepdad drove down from north GA and joined us. 


I say it was a relaxing day, which it was, after all the massive quantities of food were cooked. The biggest addition that I made to the feast was the ham. I was a little nervous because I had never cooked a ham before and did not want it to be dry. The result of thorough researching and faithful basting was an incredibly juicy, flavorful ham! I was thrilled! 


Here are some pictures of the day. 

Warning: May make you extremely hungry!! 

 Yes, Brett made the pumpkin pie!! I had no idea I was marrying such an amazing man=)

 It turned out beautifully and tasted good too. Notice the piping all around the rim that was so carefully crafted!

 My masterpiece! It was studded with cloves but some had already been removed before I remembered that I wanted to take a picture of it. The secret.....baste every 12 minutes! It was worth it!

 The spread of casseroles....the rest was on the counter. Yum! 

 The boys all watching Brett cut up our ham, while sampling it and exclaiming over how delectable it is! 

 Nate was getting hungry waiting for dinner so Nana and Pa fed him some green beans. 

 The womenfolk preparing the food...

 Nate is not extremely fond of the new puppy because the puppy seems to think Nate is a giant crawling chew toy. 

 Nate loves playing in crunchy leaves. The Hawkins' girls were throwing them up in the air and he would laugh with delight. 

 Both of our facial expressions cracked me up...

 And a picture showing how big Evelyn is getting!!

 "Gaitlin", so named because he was brought home from Gaitlinburg, TN.

 The Hawkins' new puppy and Lexi "playing" together. In a couple more months they will both enjoy each other more than they do now. 

 Nate's first thanksgiving dinner! He thoroughly enjoyed the food.

 The desserts had been partially devoured before a picture was taken. We had chocolate coconut pie, pumpkin pie, whipped cream, banana pudding, and an amazing pumpkin cheesecake made by Leah. 

Then we all relaxed, watched football, and some of us took naps. =)