Nate was due on December 4th, 2010. I remember being totally convinced in my mind that he would come late. My mom and sister went late, I had not had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, and he had never dropped. Also, I figured that if I did not expect him until a week or so after my due date, then I would not become discouraged if he did not appear and could be pleasantly surprised if he did.
I think I was a little too much in denial because I did not even want to put our hospital bag in the car yet. Then, in my silly mind, I would be "ready and waiting". I do not like to be waiting. Brett put the bag in the car anyway. If he had been having the baby, he would have been totally prepared months in advance.
We had an appointment with my midwife on Monday, December 6th. It was an early morning appointment, so I had only eaten a muffin. The thought that this could be the day was nowhere in my mind. The midwife did an ultrasound to check on Nate and did not like the results. We could not get him to move, though his heart rate was steady and clear. I was not at all concerned about him. Maybe that was just my naivete, but my motherly intuition was that I had recently felt him moving and that he was just soundly asleep, but totally fine. The doctor over my midwife however, insisted that we go immediately to the hospital and be induced.
If that happened to me again, I would have asked for some juice and tried the ultrasound again in 30 minutes. At the time though, my brain was in a fog and the idea of having a baby today sounded rather appealing. I was 1 cm dilated.
We drove to the hospital, which was 3 minutes away. I called my mom on the way and she said she was hopping in the van as soon as she could get all the kids together....which ended up taking all day. Getting 8 children together for a long trip is not a small feat. I remember crying and feeling really nervous. This was not how I had envisioned my labor beginning.
We checked into the hospital and after a while they put in cervadil to soften my cervix. The plan was to give the cervadil some time to work and then start me on pitocin. I remember that I had to lay on my back for a long time, but then was encouraged to get up and move around. When I first went to my room, there was a woman screaming for quite a while in a room down the hall. That was a bit unnerving. I had two wonderful nurses there on day shift, and after the screaming woman had her baby and left, I was their only patient. They were very kind and supportive of my desire to have as natural a birth as possible. At some point in the morning, Mr. and Mrs. Hawkins and Leah arrived. I think Brett went back to the house to get some things that I wanted, especially my computer. I figured that if I was going to have Nate on Tuesday, I had better get payroll and a few other office-related things wrapped up before I was actually in labor. Here I am, working on my computer with my two nurses in the background.
In the morning, I still felt pretty good.
The night was rough. Brett and I tried to sleep but neither of us got much. The contractions were miserable, and made sleep pretty much impossible. I remember squeezing Brett's hand a lot. They gave me some kind of narcotic that would help for about 30 minutes, but then just made me feel sick for a couple hours.
After another hour I said that I wanted an epidural. I felt defeated, but so tired. After I was given two bags of fluid and prepped for the epidural, my midwife checked me again. I was feeling better because they had turned off the pit while prepping me. I had progressed to 6 cm in just an hour, without the pitocin! That was so encouraging to me that we decided to hold off on the epidural and try laboring in the tub for a while. I dozed in the warm water and felt a renewed sense of energy. We walked the halls some more and I sat in the rocking chair when on the monitor. Nate's heart rate was reassuringly strong and steady through everything!
Around 11 am, I had progressed all the way to 8 cm!! In my mind, I just had to get through transition and pushing now...it should be only a couple hours more at most! We all thought that delivery was imminent. Mrs. Hawkins had a txt that said, "pushing", all ready to send to everyone whom she was keeping updated. I sat on the birthing ball and walked and did squats and tried all different positions, trying to get Nate to descend and engage. This continued until 7 pm.
My uterus was getting tired and the contractions were slowing down. My midwife put me back on pitocin as a last attempt to get things moving again. She said if I hadn't progressed in 2 hours we would have to do a c-section. I remember feeling shocked....or as "shocked" as one can feel when totally exhausted. Me have a c-section!? I had read everything I could find on birthing, but skipped those chapters. I'd never thought that I would be "unable" to have a baby vaginally.
I said that if I was going back on pitocin, I wanted an epidural because I just couldn't handle the miserable contractions from pit. The worst part of the epidural was having all that fluid put rapidly into my IV. It burned and made me feel bloated. I remember having to stay tightly rolled in a ball for the needle to be placed in my spine and having at least one contraction. Not fun!
After the epidural though, I was finally able to sleep. I was in a total daze and remember nothing of the next hour or so. I don't even remember feeling much emotion when they said that Nate's heart rate was plummeting with each contraction and that I was going to have a c-section. I remember thinking, "This should be a big deal to me. I should be upset or scared or something!" I do remember that my midwife looked like she was about to cry and Brett looked white.
Back in the OR, being prepped for surgery was scary. I was totally immobilized by the epidural. Being rolled onto the table and completely unable to move made me feel so vulnerable. I thought I was going to faint and was terrified that I was going to feel the knife when they cut me. I felt a little better when Brett was able to come in and stand by my head.
The sensations of the actual surgery were interesting. I could tell what was happening by how it felt, but it was not painful. The weirdest part was when I felt a huge wrench and I knew that Nate was out! It was about 8:40 pm. Almost immediately I heard a low, lusty cry. I was relieved that he was healthy, that he was out, and that he had such a pleasant cry. Brett was able to see him right away and I was given a peak just a minute later. What big feet and hands!!
Nate was crying while they wiped him clean and measured and weighed him. Brett went over and talked to him and immediately Nate stopped crying! When Brett would stop talking, Nate would start crying. That was so precious and something we will all cherish forever. Nate definitely knew his daddy's voice.
He weighed 7 lbs 11 ozs...exactly what I weighed...and was 22.5 inches long. In the recovery room, I was finally able to hold him.
Back in the room, the meds finally kicked in and I was able to breastfeed Nate. He was great and latched on right away! Then I went to sleep for a bit. I love this picture of my mom and mom-in-law talking.
The next day was pretty terrible as well, but I won't go into gory detail. I'll just summarize by saying that c-sections are miserable and should be avoided whenever possible!! Though I think that I had a particularly rough time of it because I was not prepared and did not know what to expect. For example, the nurse told me I should "walk when I felt I could". I didn't feel like walking so I didn't for a while. She should have said, "You have to get up and walk or you will feel like you are going to die later." Now I know....walk as soon as possible!
However, I was incredibly thankful to have my beautiful baby. He was a sweet, easy baby from the beginning and I was in love with him.
This picture below is from the next night, when Brett stayed with me. Nate fell asleep on his chest after crying for a bit and Brett felt so accomplished!
